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Joke of the Day

"Say I'm a man after reading a line I scored a chick I brought her home I got her in my bed Then she said:"

"What happened to the two mad vampires? They both went a little batty."

"What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass. (Haven't seen this on here, hope its not a repost.)"

"Guys, I know Michael Jordan very well... .. He just doesn't know me."

"Two muffins sitting in an oven... The first turns to the other and says ""Holy shit, it's hot in here"" The other exclaims ""Holy shit! A talking muffin!"""

"OK, Gravity wasn't very realistic. First of all, and I checked this, Sandra Bullock -- not an astronaut"

"""You're an idiot."" -My wife, after frantically looking around after I scream the word ""HAY!"" while pointing at hay for the millionth time."

"I can get into aquariums for free, because I donated a whale! I guess my ex's sister was useful for something after all."

"Salesman: Would you like to buy a pocket calculator? Customer: No thanks. I know how many pockets I have."

"Mispronouncing words is kind of my forty"