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Joke of the Day

"officer: give me your name me: then what am I going to use?"

"I've decided I'm selling my vacuum cleaner It's just here gathering dust"

"Women are like bacon: we look good, we smell good, we taste good and we will slowly kill you."

"It's good times for German geologists As they have discovered a large deposit of gemulichkeit."

"They finally caught the 'Subway Pervert' today. Someone saw him get off at Times Square."

"Today I saw a 'missing dog' post on the entrance door of a ... ... chinese restaurant."

"Pessimist had not sex for a long time Optimist had sex but long ago"

"I wish gyms had a ""montage"" option"

"The inventor of the throat lozenge has died. There will be no coffin at his funeral."

"What's 18 inches long and hangs in front of an arsehole [insert name of political opponent here]'s tie"