65108

Joke of the Day

"My friend's 6-year-old was being obnoxious. The mature thing to do was to tell him to settle down. I challenged him to a rap battle."

"I like how politicians always address us like we are positive, civic-minded, motivated people. I think we're all a bunch of fat jerks."

"Dear Autocorrect, She's an amazing woman not an amazon woman. Thanks. And now I'm never getting laid."

"I can't get into Breaking Bad because I have trouble remembering all the little facts. For example: the name of Walter's boss at the car wash. I just need to stop getting Bogdan in the details."

"What's the Difference Between Roast Beef and Pea Soup? Anyone can roast beef."

"When tragedy strikes your community, McDonald's will still be there to take your money."

"Warning: Alcohol may make people appear more fcukable than they actually are."

"""Dad, we need to talk."" ""Alright."" He grabs a chair and sits. ""Dad, you-"" He grabs yet another chair. ""DAMMIT DAD YOU'RE ADDICTED TO CHAIRS"""

"Ken Cross' AMA That's it."

"Don't listen to people who tell you not to stay up late. They're just trying to trick you into being a well-rested person who isn't anxious."