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Joke of the Day

"The only thing keeping me from driving off this bridge is the insurance rate increase if I survive."

"My boyfriend said this when he was high: ""Who founded the KKK?"" ""Forrest Gump, because it's fuckin retarded."" Edit: NSFW"

"I gave my girlfriend a picture of me for her birthday It was a gif."

"What do you call two lesbians in a fist fight? A Muffle Ruffle."

"A man went to the store buy condoms The cashier asked him, ""Do you want a bag?"" He replied, ""No thanks, she's not that ugly."""

"I just want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa... Not like the passengers in his car who were screaming quite loudly."

"if swimming is really exercise then why dont fish have mega muscles. yeah i thought so. drain the pool so we can skateboard in it"

"What's the most redundant sentence you can come up with? -department of redundancy department"

"Handgun owners have a 2% increased rate of suicide. If we could get that up to 10%, Democrats stand a chance in 2020."

"I saw a lady at work today doing ""breathing exercises"" and realized for the first time how lucky I was that breathing came naturally to me."