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Joke of the Day

"What do you do in a master bathroom? Masterbathe."

"A guy at work fell into our upholstery machine a week ago Don't worry, he's fully re-covered"

"A: You look nice today, is that a new shirt and haircut? B: I masturbated yesterday, So I had to clean up afterwards. And one thing lead to another. Hair trimming included."

"Girl you're like a car accident, cause I just can't look away."

"Be original. Don't just walk up to a girl in a bar. Pay bouncers to clear a path & cartwheel up to her. If rejected casually cartwheel away."

"I told a chemistry joke a few days ago... Unfortunately, I didn't get a reaction."

"Thinking about opening a lingerie shop for plus size women ....... Gonna call it KING THONG"

"[Calls boss] I'm gonna be late... ""How late?"" *Cut to me trapped inside a tiny house made from Lego* I've no idea to be honest with you..."

"I swallowed a Ice Cube and I haven't pooped it out yet, I'm really scared you guys."

"It's 3 am. Just smoked a fatty. Just trying to make up new material with my parrot. I think i just thought of a good one but I may just be... Too stoned with one bird."