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Joke of the Day

"What's the worst thing about alcoholics? They wine too much."

"I hate how funerals are always at 9 or 10am... I'm not really a mourning person."

"5yo: Can we go get a turtle? They're so cool! Me: Whats so cool about turtles? 5yo: They can breath thru their butts! Me: Grab your coat.."

"If u think ur parents did nothing for you, remember Jackie Shrof named his son Tiger and Bappi Da named his son Bappa. Respect your parents"

"The crowd at this bar is so young someone just got slimed."

"HR: ""You've put Kurt Russell down as an emergency contact."" Me: ""Yeah, I'd like to meet him before I die. Dude is a legend."""

"How many police does it take to change a lightbulb? They don't, they beat the room for being black."

"Did you hear about the guitarist who locked his keys in his van? It took him 2 hours to get his drummer out."

"Vivid Entertainment offers Miss Colombia $1mil to star in a porno. Wait, they just took it back and offered it to Miss Philippines."

"hey, so much for global warming -- look at all this snow! and so much for global globalness, look how flat it is out there!"