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Joke of the Day

"[beside lady with baby] Her: Smells like someone went poop poop! Does the baby need a change? Me: *blushing* Yes ma'am."

"Me: Push! Grandkids: But, you're heavy. Me: What did the sign say? Grandkids: No children in shopping cart :(( Me: Rules are rules."

"Two words that would mean the end of Twitter - Miley Bieber."

"How do you get a blonde to break her nose? Place your dick under a glass table"

"I hate it when homeless people shake their Change cups at me..... I get it, you have more money than me. No need to be a dick about it."

"Whats the difference between acne and a priest? Acne waits until a boy's 14 to come on his face."

"Bathroom Break A client told me she had to cut our meeting short to go to the bathroom.... she was full of shit."

"I ate an entire pack of rohypnol last night and it didn't even affect me... Anyway, gotta go. I need to do some last minute Christmas shopping."

"Being a single man has to be depressing when you think that even a guy like Hitler had a girlfriend."

"One good thing about Hilary as president. One good thing about having Hilary as president is that we wouldn't have to pay her as much."