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Joke of the Day

"My wife caught me again on the couch with my iPad & a hand towel while I was putting lotion on my feet with my pants off."

"Where does the General keep hs armies? In his sleevies."

"What do you call an ISIS member who loves himself? A nISISist"

"Of course your milkshake brings the boys to the yard. What boy doesn't love milkshakes? If your asparagus brought em, then I'd be impressed."

"Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who's sick of her bullshit."

"Father Christmas: What's your favourite Christmas story? Elf: The one about the ghost that steals porridge! Father Christmas: You mean 'Ghoul-di-locks'!"

"What Did The Idiot's Friend Say To The Other Idiot's Friend, After The Idiot Lit Herself On Fire? She's Bright..."

"What do you do with a dog that doesn't have any legs? You take him for a drag."

"I took my BMW to the mechanic today after a strange light came on. I asked him what it was, as I've never seen it before. Apparently it was called an indicator, does anyone know what it's for?"

"If revenge is a dish best served cold What do I do when my best friend serves me ice cream?"