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Joke of the Day

"Why couldn't the pirate use the bubblegum vending machine? Because there is no quarter for the wicked."

"Why isn't NSA mass surveillance a hot topic in the US elections? Because it's the only part of the govt that listens to the American people."

"Which way do 5 gay guys move? In One Direction. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t45i8cjHzko&feature=youtube_gdata_player"

"How do you spot a blind man in a nudist colony? It's not hard."

"Never marry a woman who was captain of the debate team."

"I am as a wake as a funeral."

"My bra is off, my pajamas are on, my hair is up. I'm not sure if I'm going to bed, or to Walmart."

"I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said Are you going to help?' I said No, six should be enough.'"

"One time, a cow saved my life It was bovine intervention."

"What do you call a black man in a tree? A branch manager."