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Joke of the Day

"Which way do 5 gay guys move? In One Direction. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t45i8cjHzko&feature=youtube_gdata_player"

"Don't just lay there... Move! Bounce! Do something!! ~ me, pleading with my hair"

"Why should you never mess with an angry dysentery patient? They lose their shit over the smallest things!"

"Today, I started on my second million dollars! I gave up on my first."

"Fatherhood Tip : If there's puke in your coat pocket and poop on your shoulder, you're holding the baby upside down."

"YOU EVER SHIT SOOO GOOD YOU CUM? AND GET ALL LIGHT HEADED AND SHIT? -UNCLE SAM T."

"Ellen pao Punchline is in the title whoops"

"You know, if I had a dollar for every time someone under 30 stole a joke from my generation... Then I would be able to afford to fund the pension that the government stole from me."

"How did the phone propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring."

"Cher puts out an album only covering Meatloaf. Title: Cher the Meatloaf"