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Joke of the Day

"""I'm a skeleton!"" *kisses and hugs you* Stop that! *kisses and hugs you again* What kind of skeleton are you?!? ""An XO skeleton"""

"What's Gordon Ramsay's least favorite movie? IT'S FROOOOOOOZZZZEEEN"

"I hate it when I forget to bring my phone in the car and have to read a shampoo bottle while I drive."

"*turns on internet* computor, i need to take a break from trying to achieve one thing. show me all of the achievments of others all at once"

"I'm weird but not ""sit around the house with my shirt tucked in even though I've got no plans to leave"" weird. That stuff's 4 serial killers."

"How can you tell a redneck girl is a virgin? She can run faster than her brother."

"What's the most fucked up thing you can do to a blind person? Leave the plunger in the toilet!"

"Accidentally fell asleep smoking an e-cigarette and when I woke up my whole house was on the internet."

"The bright side of global warming is that 100% of our great grandchildren will own beachfront property."

"When I was in college, I used to have sex almost EVERY DAY... ...almost Monday, almost Tuesday, almost Wednesday..."