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Joke of the Day

"The bright side of global warming is that 100% of our great grandchildren will own beachfront property."

"there are some really great cocktails you can have when it gets cold. Gin and coffee, gin and hot water, microwaved gin, go nuts"

"Teacher and Student Teacher: Whoever answers my next question, can go home. One boy throws his bag out the window. Teacher: Who just threw that? Boy: Me and I'm going home now."

"I don't understand the trend of Chinese restaurants with ""NO MSG!"" signs. Why would I eat somewhere that I can't send texts?"

"What type of condoms does Ronald McDonald use? McRibbed"

"Tonight I'm going to party like it's 1999 Because back then the worst thing I had to worry about was just a computer glitch destroying civilization."

"Telling a girl to calm down works about as well as trying to baptize a cat."

"What's worse than locking your keys in your car in front of an abortion clinic? Going in and asking for a coat hanger."

"Walking around naked is a great motivator to get back to the gym"

"What do you call a theft by a stumbling person? A lumberjack."