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Joke of the Day

"How do you make an orphans hands bleed? Tell them to clap until daddy gets home"

"What did the Illuminati say when they tried to read someone's mind, but failed to do so? ""Curses, foiled again!"""

"Why did Star Wars episodes 4, 5, and 6 come before 1, 2, and 3? Because in charge of scheduling, Yoda was."

"Right now feels like the eye of the storm, or, if you're younger than 25, the drop in the dubstep song."

"How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from..."

"What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? You're too young to smoke. Sorry, it's the first joke I ever learned, and I haven't ever seen it posted."

"I used to have an ex that always played Minesweeper Should have seen the red flags."

"I have a closet full of voodoo dolls created in the likeness of people I have seen with 11 items in the '10 items or less' checkout line."

"Men statistically have larger brains than women, which is why men are usually smarter and elephants rule us all from their laser-hovercraft"

"What's the difference between a spitter and a swallower? 10 lbs of pressure on the back of the head."