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Joke of the Day

"THERAPIST: Ever had a job? ME: I once worked at a zoo T: Great! & what did you take from that? ME: Definitely not a penguin T: What M: What"

"I wanted to make a ""two drums and a cymbal fall off of a cliff"" joke, but um... ...tsh."

"*Puts air guitar back in air case* ""Listen if you wanted a ""real guitarist"" maybe you should put that in the ad!"""

"If there are degrees of asshole, I'm the pressing the crosswalk button even after watching you do it because maybe you did it wrong kind."

"Im a bit hurt that my friends told me I'm condescending. Condescending is a big word that means you talk down to people."

"No joke will ever be too soon for Joan Rivers thread. Joan Rivers died doing what she loved to do best. Surgery."

"*mugger walks up* GIMME EVERYTHING YOU GOT! *mugger slowly walks away with $2.16 and a lifetime of anxiety & existential misunderstanding*"

"How many sad soccer fans are there today? A Brazillion..."

"What's the difference between a puppy and a kernel of corn? Nothing. They both explode when nuked in the microwave."

"Bruce Jenner When Bruce Jenner finally gets his va-jay-jay operation done, will the docs give him a hymen? And who's gonna be the lucky guy to pop it?"