64383

Joke of the Day

"I appreciate it when my cats stand around while I clean their litter box. We're like a little road crew: one guy works, three supervise."

"After I die, I want someone to periodically log in as me so it looks like I'm haunting Facebook."

"If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks. Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined."

"When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's LUNAR ASSAULT and it's not funny."

"I'm in one of those moods that only a virgin sacrifice will appease."

"What do you call an introspective monk? A deep friar."

"If you can't find the source of a quote, attribute it to Kurt Vonnegut, Einstein, Dorothy Parker, or H. L. Mencken and move on."

"Why does Beyonce sing, ""To the left, to the left!""? Because black women have no rights."

"My girlfriend wanted a joule... unfortunately I am out of Fs."

"America's economy must really be in the toilet... The new $20 bill is only gonna be worth about $16"