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Joke of the Day

"Music star Kenny Rogers announced his retirement yesterday. In other news, Kenny Rogers is still alive, apparently."

"""Why haven't you been answering my pigeons?"" - 17th century sext"

"Ro-Ro-Robocop, Gently down the stream, Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, Killing bad guys in old Detroit in revenge for his murder."

"A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the hole and she was happy with the thing."

"Who's the fastest runner in the chinese olympic team? Mr. Do Ping"

"Me: I'm ghosting him. Her: You stopped talking to him? Me: No, I'm showing up when he least expects it and scaring the shit out of him."

"""People want to feel special.. they'll buy sugary piss in a bottle as long as it has their name on it."" - Executives at Coke"

"Me: hello, police? I think I'm living with a murderer! Last night, she came home with a body... Crap! She just came in. Cat: *meow*"

"Why didn't Mayweather become an NFL QB? Because he couldn't READ the defense!"

"why are Jews so good at studying ? cause they went to concentration camp !"