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Joke of the Day

"I saw an advert that read: ""Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full."" I thought to myself, I can't turn that down."

"5-year-old daughter: *looks in the mirror* Can you get me something to match my cowboy boots? Me: What? 5-year-old: A horse."

"Dolls teach girls very unrealistic body standards. A Russian doesn't have to have many tiny Russians inside her to be beautiful."

"Once I saw a ghost... It looked like your dick"

"My boyfriend broke up with because I make too many Linkin Park references, but in the end it doesn't even matter."

"Once all serial killers decided to compete for the most kills It was a cut throat competition"

"I'm offering a $1,000 reward to anyone who brings me $1,000 and two tacos."

"What do frogs do when they are depressed? They Kermit suicide."

"Why are hurricanes named after women? Because they come in wet and wild, and leave with your house and car."

"Yesterday I saw a horse-drawn carriage The proportions were a bit off but the shading and linework were quite remarkable."