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Joke of the Day

"What do frogs do when they are depressed? They Kermit suicide."

"What did the neckbeard wizard use to find his way around Hogwarts? M'rauders Map"

"When I started doing stand-up, I didn't have a lot of my own material, so I used to steal Mitch Hedberg jokes I still do, but I used to too."

"What do you call cows with 2 legs? Lean beef. bonus: What do you call cows with no legs? Ground beef."

"If we make guns illegal, then nobody will get shot anymore. That's how we stopped everybody from doing drugs"

"My kids are young, so when they listen to old school music they think its new. They are currently listening to a hot new band called Queen."

"Sometimes I get jealous of the lingo black people use that I can't use. Then I remember as a white person I have things I can say that they can't like. ""Hey dad."" Or ""Thanks for the warning officer"""

"A monk walks up to a hot-dog vendor and says, ""Make me one with everything."" ~~~ So he pays for his meal and asks for his change. The vendor shrugs and retorts smugly, ""Change comes from within."""

"Having an argument on the internet... ... Is like having a small dick contest. There's no weiner."

"What is a nurse in the maternity ward's favorite kind of food? Delivery."