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Joke of the Day

"Me: We need to hire smarter people. HR: Why? Me: Is there someone smarter I can talk to about this? HR..."

"I saw a beaver build something before it set on fire, Hot dam."

"LinkedIn is a terrible dating site"

"ME: Too much turkey makes me so tired HER: Actually, it makes you sleepy, not tired ME: I'm getting real sleepy of your shit, Debra"

"Me: ""Stay back! I'm an expert when it comes to karate!"" *mugger approaches* Me: ""Karate is a martial art developed on the Ryukyu Islands."""

"[laser tag] Instructor: Dude, you're not gonna run out of ammo Me [strapping bayonet to the end of gun]: let's just agree to disagree"

"What kind of phone does a molester have? the iTouch. ( lame but I made it up in class when I was like 15 lmfao)"

"Tip: Call your baby a normal name Me: Are you still mad your parents called you tip?"

"What do you call a Frenchman shoving a baguette up your butt? A pain in the ass."

"If lesbians don't like men, then why do they use dildos? Because scissoring just doesn't cut it."