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Joke of the Day

"Me: ""Stay back! I'm an expert when it comes to karate!"" *mugger approaches* Me: ""Karate is a martial art developed on the Ryukyu Islands."""

"Danger is my middle name. Avoid is my first, and Completely is my last. Nice to meet you."

"Today I went to the protest The protesters aren't going to mace themselves"

"What do you call it when a doctor has sex with a quarantined patient? Sick Fuck."

"What did God say to the alcoholic spelling bee judge? ""Define intervention."" Came up with this today at work."

"what did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? we are both lawyers"

"I got 99 issues... And they are all collectable national geographics."

"Sorry I faked a seizure at your party but my phone's battery dropped to 10%, you wouldn't stop talking and I had to go so I could charge it."

"Why shouldn't you enter into a contract with Wolverine? Because of his retractable clause."

"Gay marriage is finally legal in America today. Finally, all the OP's can get married."