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Joke of the Day

"The Clippers are gonna be bought by the former CEO of Microsoft. Apparently he's looking for something to occupy himself while Windows is installing ""critical updates."""

"Help stop domestic violence... Each year, 1 in 5 people are violently domesticated"

"What do you call a doctor that graduated at the bottom of their class? Doctor."

"Great Halloween costume idea! I just went through my closet and found my ex's clothes. Does anyone want to be a raging bitch for Halloween?"

"A guy gets hit on the head by a falling soda can. But he's allright. Guess he was lucky *puts on sunglasses* It was a soft drink #FFFC"

"How to handle a one night stand the next morning 1. Put on Titanic 2. He's gone, that's it"

"My grandfather got his tongue cut out in a POW camp He doesn't like to talk about it."

"Rules for meeting a puppy: 1 be cool 2 pet it 3 do not steal it 4 stop running from the owner 5 put it down 6 this isn't worth jail time"

"Penises are like internet connections Having a big pipe is great, but it doesn't do you much good if you don't have any uptime."

"I like my coffee like I like my women... In the kitchen."