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Joke of the Day

"What did the diligent whore get for Christmas? lots and lots of karma"

"What is the difference between a thief and a church bell? One steals from the people the other peals from the steeple."

"It's never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes on Facebook."

"DOCTOR: I'm afraid I've got bad news ME: *pulls an apple from pocket* DOCTOR: *sweating* GOOD NEWS, I MEANT GOOD NEWS"

"My hamster died as he lived... in the microwave."

"Just spilled beer on my crotch, so to save myself from the embarrassment, I pissed my pants. Can't have people thinking I'm a sloppy drinker"

"Why did Mary Magdalene have an affair with Jesus? She heard about his second coming"

"A woman could tweet ""My dog just died"" and she would get replies like ""Well, I'm not dead ;)"""

"I robbed a cookery shop last night... to make it big you've got to take some whisks."

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chick pea? I never had a garbanzo bean on my face."