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Joke of the Day

"""What's green and eats nuts?"" ""Syphilis!"""

"Whats the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a women's track team? A tribe of pygmies is a bunch of cunning runts."

"Just saw a dude catcall a woman with ""Nice heels, girl"" and his friend slapped him and said ""Those are knock offs, bro"""

"Want to hear a really shitty gay joke? poop dick"

"What do you call a seafood-eating California motorcycle cop who only pulls over nuclear reactions or a radioactive decay? Fission Chips."

"My high school girlfriend got ""uses her kids as her facebook profile picture"" fat."

"Stepped into a spot this morning, where my dog had an accident. Unfortunately for her, taxidermy comes before training in the phone book"

"HER: I don't know what you'd do without me. ME: HER: Please stop imagining all those things. ME: Ok."

"Just asked my wife what she's ""burning up for dinner"" and it turned out to be all of my personal belongings."

"I'm so irritated This is the 5th ATM I've been to today that has 'insufficient funds'."