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Joke of the Day

"*walks up to microphone during wedding reception* *taps on mic; everyone smiles* ""Anyone that doesn't want their cake, pass it to me please"""

"How many bears could Bear Grylls grill, if Bear Grylls could grill bears?"

"Why don't lawyers have sex with their clients? To prevent double billing."

"My Gpa said... My Grandpa said, ""Your generation relies too much on technology!"" I replied, ""No, your generation relies too much on technology!"" Then I unplugged his life support."

"Why would anyone want to shoot themselves or others when we live in a world where weed, titties, Game of Thrones and free music exists?"

"Road painters are not the kind of friends you should be around... They do lines all day."

"I was sitting in traffic today and I got run over."

"What do you call a weed smoker with abs? A Narc."

"If I was a hot chick. I'd open my legs so wide I'd be able to fit all four of my Ferraris in my snatch."

"Apparently ""you have great tweets"" sounds a lot like ""you have great tits"" in a crowded bar."