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Joke of the Day

"We're expecting 12 inches tomorrow night. Well played, Black History Month. Well played."

"Me:Come in. It's not like I'm a serial killer. Him:*laughs nervously* Me: *laughing* u have to murder more than 2 ppl for it to be serial"

"My boyfriend said that I'm more than enough woman for him, and now I'm mad because I think he called me fat."

"Gonna open a karaoke place where each song is 90 seconds max. Most are 25 seconds. Just the chorus one time, then onto the next song."

"How many children with ADHD does it take to screw in a light bulb? Wanna go swimming?"

"There's nothing funny about leaked celebrity nudes Which is good because it's hard to masturbate while laughing."

"What's a linking verb's favorite genre of music? Are & Be"

"I went to a paraplegic fundraiser It was crawling with pussy"

"Being on Twitter is like being at a party in that I say stuff to myself and sometimes people listen"

"What should you do if you see a spaceman? Park in it, man."