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Joke of the Day
"The other day I found two gold bars. I've always dreamed of an Au pair."
Next Joke
"If I had a dime for every time I quoted the movie Blazing Saddles... I would have a shitload of dimes."
"A blind man walks in to a bar... ...and a chair...and a table..."
"You say you want to bring me back to reality. You're assuming I've been there before."
"Why should you never rendezvous with a pack of wolves? Because they are *meet eaters!*"
"Cop: Have you been drinking? Me: *sips beer Cop: That was stupid. Me: So was your question."
"How long does it take to burn a candle down ? About a wick !"
"Why did the chicken cross the road? .... because Bernie Sanders challenged him to a debate about the future of America."
"*Speed Dating* Him: Do you have any hobbies? Me: *tying my hair in a big knot under my chin so I look like I have a beard* ""TAAA-DAAA!"""
"People tell me my humour is offbeat but they get weirded out if you walk around with a metronome."