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Joke of the Day

"A daughter goes to her Jewish father and asks for $20 The father replies ""$10, what do you need $5 for?"""

"How does a blind skydiver know when to pull the parachute? When the leash goes slack."

"Thank god we don't have thought bubbles above our heads. I'd be in trouble 99% of the time."

"I'm allergic to bears. One bear bite and it's straight to the ER for me."

"*Pays $450 for ticket to hockey game. *spends the whole game on iPhone."

"My wife sent me to the shop to buy a butternut squash then got annoyed when I came back with three items. (credit: Sean Lock)"

"What's worse than an overthinker .... Sorry I didn't think this part through..."

"My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I'm suspicious that I'm up to something i dont want myself to know about."

"What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard? a new last name"

"""Ugh, you're so obsessed with me."" Boss: ""I just asked why you're twenty minutes late?"""