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Joke of the Day

"MOM: always open the door for a lady [later on date] ME: Let me get that for you [reaching under stall door for lock] please stop screaming"

"What did they call that ancient philosopher from China who quoted a lot about a woman's pussy? cuntfucius"

"There is a new car fragrance designed to look like the Joker... The fragrance? Tears of a clown."

"We are so fortunate not to live in China,,, they have to hide their posts in cookies."

"Why do Jewish men get circumcised? because Jewish women won't accept anything unless it has at least 20% off."

"What's the difference between a waitress at a strip club and a stripper? About 2 weeks."

"I visited Amsterdam this summer, and decided to have sex with a prostitute. It was an overall positive experience. Sadly, it was an HIV positive experience."

"ISIS commander to troops ISIS commander: Do you guys know what the leading cause of goat rape is? Troops: No, what? ISIS commander: Sexy Goats ;)"

"A man walks into a bar And the bar happened to be at crotch level and it hurt like a motherfucker"

"Two hookers on a corner.... One says to the other, ""You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"". The second one thinks for a second and says ""No, but I once got swung around by the nipples"""