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Joke of the Day

"Is that a gun in your pocket or are you happy to see me? Both! Now get in the fucking van."

"When I'm not standing up or laying down, I have a seizure If I sit, I fit."

"Men do what they want and skip the rest. They're straightforward. If he doesn't call, he doesn't want to talk. If he calls, he's horny."

"""Now?"" ""Not yet."" ""Now?"" ""Not quite."" *Car approaches* ""Now?"" ""Now."" -Deer crossing the road"

"Charlie Sheen walks into a bar... And orders a drink or two. Or three. Or four. And then gets into a barfight."

"The New Men's Birth Control Pill It's about the size of a marble. You put it into your shoe. It makes you limp."

"Why don't Amish people water ski? Because their horses would drown."

"My wife is a beautiful, kind & giving woman who also checks my TL."

"What does a Japanese guy name his pet lion? Ryan"

"Roses are red... Roses are red, downvotes are blue, speaking of downvotes, here's one for you!"