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Joke of the Day

"""What happens to germaphobes?"" They wash their hands so often, they dry out and people assume they have AIDS."

"Why didn't kids make fun of argon in high school? They never got a reaction out of him."

"If I had a dollar for every racist thing I said I wouldn't need a small loan of a million dollars"

"Do you think it's weird that the only reason we still have landlines is so cops in movies can wake each other up in the middle of night?"

"What mathematical operation is used to calculate the rate at which lumberjacks cut wood? Logger-rhythms."

"Cop: You look pretty beat up, how many attackers did you say there was? [flashback to me showing the cat my nunchuk skills] Me: Easily 10"

"Hey, I'll sleep when I'm dead. Also tonight."

"Did you hear the watermelon joke? It's pitful."

"If you refuse to take a nap... Are you resisting a rest?"

"What do you a call a pedophile at church? Father"