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Joke of the Day

"*Financial Status* Just rinsed off a paper plate..."

"How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They just beat the room for being black."

"[in traction] Before you ask, yes you can make cheese from moose milk and no I didn't think she'd spook so easy."

"911: 911. What's your emergency? Me: I'm bleeding profusely. 911: Sir, this line is reserved for joke formats. Me: ..."

"What did the newsletter say to the other newsletter when he asked for help? Bro sure!"

"Important Work Of 21st Century... The 21st century: Where Deleting history is more important than making it."

"I don't chase guys unless I have my inhaler with me."

"I was going to make a chemistry joke... but I didn't know if it would get a positive reaction."

"If human civilization had a narrator it would just be some guy repeating ""Little did they know..."" over and over and over."

"My doctor said if I get 1000 upvotes he will perform free LASIK surgery! Upvote for visibility."