63191

Joke of the Day

"Laundry Day Me: Tell me about this lipstick on your shirt. Him: Babe, I can explain! Me: Don't care. Just ask her the brand and shade name."

"A wildebeast walks into a speed dating meetup.. he meets some good gnus and some bad gnus."

"I just took enough Vicodin to kill a medium-sized Chipmunk. RIP Roy. Roy's the hypothetical Chipmunk. I named him. Has anyone seen my legs??"

"I wasn't upset about that black cat crossing my path but mouthing ""you're fucked"" as he passed was just rude."

"What do comic book collectors use in their hair when they shower? Mint conditioner."

"What do you call it when you give a downy kid weed? Baked potato."

"Putting a light in the refrigerator is God's way of telling us that it's okay to eat before going to bed."

"Why are British anti-smoking PSA's often made by homophobes? Because they want to prevent people from bumming fags"

"That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, hit a lamp, and kill your mum."

"I once had a substitute that had no rules, except for no Smashmouth. I thought she was kidding, but then I saw her face."