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Joke of the Day

"How many potatoes does it take to kill the Irish? None."

"What type of tree doesn't remove active torrents? A *Cedar* tree."

"It's really hard to be stealthy while carrying half a box of Tic Tacs. The more you know."

"I am not fake. I am not a parody. I am the Lord thy God, King of the Universe, you cosmic dipshits."

"What do you call an epileptic Jew during the Holocaust? Shake and Bake!"

"""I'll take movies for $500 Alex"" Tim Burton directed this dark tale starring Johnny Depp & Helena Bonham Carter ""You gotta be kidding me"""

"I work a desk job in an AT&T franchise building I can never get any work done because the internet keeps going down..."

"The term ""Every 60 second in Africa..."" is stupid Everyone knows Africains don't get seconds. They're lucky if they get a single serving."

"I started carrying a knife after a mugging attempt a few months ago. After that my mugging attempts have been very successful"

"First rule to losing weight as a political world leader You only get out what you Putin."