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Joke of the Day

"I want my money back, these suppositories taste like shit."

"What is the similarity between poop and aliens? They both live on Uranus"

"How do you know when a joke has gone too far? It's elected President."

"Unlike most English people my girlfriend doesn't have bad teeth. She sold them."

"People accept that God exists & created the universe without evidence or proof but if you tell them Facebook is down they immediately check."

"Regretting the compliment... A woman walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, ""Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?"" He says, ""Really! Why? Are my eyes bulging?"""

"I was going to grease my mechanic's hand with a $20 bill for the phenomenal job he did but ... he already overcharged me by $200."

"What did the duck say when she bought lipstick? Just put it on my bill."

"What was the deaf mans favorite song? The Sound of Silence."

"I bet when slutty girls get cremated instead of ashes the family just gets an urn full of glitter."