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Joke of the Day

"[Restaurant] Waiter: Compliments of the chef. *He opens silver platter and post-it notes with the words 'You're beautiful' pour out*"

"Police have finally admitted they got it wrong in the shooting of Jean Charles de Menez. It was his naughty brother Dennis they were after."

"What does a German say at a Dude Ranch? AUDI."

"Imagine if American Waitresses didn't get a wage, but instead had to make do with.. Just the tip!"

"What is the difference between a dollar and Lebron James? Lebron James doesnt give you 4 quarters. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oShTJ90fC34"

"Why do tumblr users make for poor gunmen? They are afraid of triggers."

"How long does it take for a woman to have an orgasm? Who cares?"

"lawyer talking under his breath: ""guiltypeoplesaywhat?"" suspect: what? lawyer: no further questions your honor"

"What's the opposite of Christopher Walken? Christopher Reeve..."

"That's pretty cool that Mary Shelley wrote Heidi Montag's biography before she was even born. #Frankenstien"