113705

Joke of the Day

"Why do tumblr users make for poor gunmen? They are afraid of triggers."

"What did the cat say when I shut him in the refridgerator? I don't know, I couldn't hear him through the door."

"i'm a functioning alcoholic which means i like alcohol roughly as much as i like functioning."

"I'll never get picked for jury duty because I'd be the one on trial....."

"What did the DNA say to the other DNA? ""Do these genes make me look fat?"""

"I applied to Hogwarts the a few weeks back. Unfortunately, I didn't get accepted. Figured I could just Slytherin."

"14 years ago tonight, a loaf of frozen reindeer shit fell from the sky & struck my father, killing him instantly."

"ME: I hate him with 1/16th of the fibers of my being GUY: Not every fiber? ME: I hate alot of people. I'm not wasting all my fibers on 1 guy"

"I bet Taylor Swift still believes in Santa Claus."

"Why didn't the koala get a job? He didn't have enough koalifications!"