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Joke of the Day

"I don't believe in anything I can't see, hear or touch, like calories. My thighs, however, are clearly very gullible."

"Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing"

"At lunch with 5 of my bestest phones!!!"

"I just burned 12000 calories I left the pizza in the oven"

"I wonder Is Gordon Lightfoot heavy handed?"

"If people are talking about you behind your back, then just Fart"

"My ex-girlfriends all did me dirty like the first 25% of a Netflix loading screen. I was repeatedly tricked into thinking there was a connection"

"What did the doctor say when he saw two fetuses being too affectionate in public? ""Get a womb, you two."""

"2 sheep are standing on a hill One turns to the other and says ""Baaa!"". The other sheep says ""I was just going to say that""."

"8 *walks into the house with covered in mud* Me: MY LORD 8: well that's a nice way to greet me but no, just your son."