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Joke of the Day

"How are vegans okay with drinking water? They can't eat meat, but they can just destroy a fish's home for a glass of water?"

"People are talking about how culture is too pc nowadays... But everyone I know has a Mac"

"What did the Mexican detective say in England? I'm like Sherlock, holmes."

"No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse."

"What they don't tell you about bathing in the blood of your enemies is your body hair is a light magenta for like the next 3 or 4 days. Ugh."

"Why should you not throw stones at a knight? Because heavy metal is harder than rock."

"Why did the vegetable kill himself? He didn't carrot all."

"I sure talk a lot of crap for someone who can't spell ""Wednesday"" without having to say ""Wed-nes-day"" in my head."

"My dream is to be a security guard on Maury. I'd whisper ""you look like a Volkswagen Beetle with eyes."" When the women were crying backstage"

"Seriously, if you hacked Trump's account and wanted to make him look bad, WHAT THE HELL WOULD YOU EVEN TWEET."