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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I'm watching paint dry I like to listen to James Bay ... Just to really complete the experience"

"*Eats a snack while making a snack*"

"I wanted to make a lame pun thread about fish. But its not the right time or plaice."

"CNN: ""Chess grandmaster, 20, dies in parkour balcony fall"" Shoulda castled earlier."

"A cow fell off a truck in Russia They say he hadn't been Put in properly."

"I just ate a silica salt packet and I've been using a plastic bag as a toy because I live life on the motherfucking edge."

"BABY FROZEN STEAK: mommy is he coming back MOM STEAK: no honeyget some sleep [rocky walks into the freezer] ROCKY: time to punch some meats"

"A co-pilot walks into a library and asks for a number of books on suicide. The librarian says ""Are you going to take them all out with you""? ""Hmmm"" he replies ""That's a good idea"""

"Today, I saw that my ironing board cover was wrinkled.I laughed at the irony.Then I laughed again because irony has the word iron in it."

"What are the three rings of marriage? The first one is the engagement ring...the second one is the wedding ring...and the third one is the suffering."