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Joke of the Day

"Cashier: Need to see some ID Me: You get a lot of 20yo guys buying tampons, diapers, grapes & whiskey? Cashier: Yup Me: Ok, here you go then"

"Bruce Willis is talking to a parrot. ""I'm Bruce Willis"" he says. The parrot repeats it. ""yeah right"" Bruce says, but is secretly worried"

"[narrating a commercial for therapy] ""For a 100 bucks an hour we'll blame your mother."""

"You heard the rumor going around about butter? Nevermind, I shouldn't spread it. Thank you TheAustr0naut"

"You must have been born on a highway... ...because that's where most accidents happen. Thanks random kid on CS:GO."

"What breaks when you give it to a baby? Its hips."

"Any dude who waits for Valentines Day to treat his woman like a Queen is failing 364 days a year."

"I need a full wifi description before I can even consider coming to your home"

"How do you send a dog to space? Laika boss."

"Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a ""beef?"""