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Joke of the Day

"I always tell my kids that it's ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people."

"God loves everyone You know, it's in that book you hold up when you're yelling at gay people."

"The vice president of Pepsi got fired... he came up positive for coke."

"What do you call a boat whose captain has no idea what he's doing and works for free? The Internship"

"His son asked him what gay meant. Son: Dad, what does gay mean? Dad: Happy son. It means happy. Son: Then are YOU gay DAD? Dad: No son...... i have a wife..."

"Sober me will always have your back.Drunk me will convince you to get a tattoo of a unicorn doing a dolphin over a rainbow on your back."

"ME: What's your favorite movie? DATE: Girl Interupt- ME: *drops fork* What is it? DATE: Girl Interu- ME: *burps* Sorry. Go on. DATE: Fargo"

"What did the mad cow say to the other cow? You don't want beef with me"

"SCARY STORY! Once upon a time there was a little boy. He saw something strange, and, thinking about what he saw, he folded his arms... INTO PAPER AIRPLANES!"

"[goes to museum of fine art] ""Just how fine can this art be, anyway"" [sees a vase in a thong] ""oh damn"""