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Joke of the Day

"I had to pay for a satellite dish But the salesman said it was on the house."

"I do 5 sit-ups every morning. It may not sound like much, but there's only so many times you can hit the snooze button."

"How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb? Two: one to screw in the bulb and one to hold the ~~cock~~ ~~father~~ LADDER"

"Lava can't melt marble columns. Pompeii was an inside job! WAKE UP ROME!"

"Apparently 1 in 7 people in the world are Chinese. That means it's either me, my mum, dad, brother Steve, brother Craig, sister hanna, or brother huangxi. I suspect Craig."

"Date like a boyscout Leave em better than you found em."

"Never underestimate an underachiever. We're capable of less than you think."

"Today I witnessed an amputee being hanged. I tried to save him, but yelled out all the wrong letters. (H/T Demetri Martin)"

"Did you hear about the french man who got raped by a group of mimes? They did unspeakable things to him."

"Why do women have orgasms? Just another reason to moan really."