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Joke of the Day

"You people remind me of lemons.... You're sour, some people like you, and your juices can be squeezed out for money."

"My girlfriend just texted me, 'thespacebuttonisbrokenonmyphonecanyoupleasegivemeanalternative Anybody know what ternative means?"

"A cop pulls over Heisenburg, and says... Do you know you were going 100 miles per hour? Heisenburg then replied, exasperatedly, ""Dammit, now I'm lost!"""

"You know what my new year's resolution is? 1680x1050"

"Is it racist that I only use chopsticks when eating Asian food? I'm never like, ""Time for pancakes! Where are my chopsticks?"""

"If I see you wearing those toe shoes, I will call the police and give them your description every time a crime is reported on the news."

"How do you castrate a redneck? You kick his sister in the jaw."

"Wake up, kids! Bees can't even read, much less spell. IT'S A SCAM!"

"Ever have one of those days where you drink so much coffee that you can't hold the scalpel straight? LOL! It's like a Gallagher show!"

"What do right-handed people hate most? [NSFW] Having to switch hands at the computer."