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Joke of the Day

"There's a TV channel where you can buy all the Pope's speeches It's called ""Papal View""."

"(OC) What do you call Helen Keller punching someone? Senseless violence."

"The one thing that I excel at... is spreadsheets."

"What gets bigger every time I watch my neighbor undress in her bedroom window? The restraining order"

"It's comforting to know that the US government works the same way as a college student when it comes to deadlines... They both wait until the last minute, then get an extension."

"*speaking to sandwich* honey, I have good news. you're going to have a baby brother! *starts making another sandwich*"

"Dear Life, I have a complete grasp on the fact that you are not fair... so please quit teaching me that lesson."

"I saw a dwarf escaping from jail down the side of a wall As he passed by, he sneered at me, and I thought, ""That's a little condescending."""

"When comedians die, why does everyone tell them to ""make God laugh""? You wouldn't order a dead carpenter to ""make God some bookshelves."""

"What did one bridge say to another? ""Fuck you"" (They were arch enemies)"