62118

Joke of the Day

"[JanSport keynote address] (audience grumbling) ""where is he?"" *CEO emerges from backpack on stage* *crowd goes nuts*"

"How many times do I have to say ""excuse me"" before ""get the f*ck out of my way"" becomes acceptable?"

"The doctor told me to lose some weight. I said, ""How?"" He said ""Don't eat anything fatty."" I said, ""You mean pies, chips, that sort of thing?"" He said, ""No, just don't eat anything, fatty."""

"I would show you a Liszt of all the music jokes I know... But to be Franck, I don't think you could Handel them!"

"There are 6 jurors on the Treyvon Martin trial. I bet they all get on the same cycle from being around each other so much... Dude better hope it isn't that time of the month when the verdict comes in."

"A girl from the office is trying to get me fired for sexual harassment because I've been giving her ""inappropriate massages during work"" I said, Good luck sweetheart. I don't even work here."

"I'm thinking of maybe giving up on my Olympic dream."

"What type of bee makes milk? A boo-bee"

"I hate when I'm telling my best friend a story and she gets all judgmental and walks off to get a drink from her water bowl."

"Some days it's little things, the tone of his voice or his words when we're alone, that help me realize I'd rather have the insurance money."