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Joke of the Day
"Why was Mr. Behaving sad? His daughter was always Ms. Behaving."
Next Joke
"My son just hugged me. Him: You smell good. Me: Like what? Him: *sniffs* You smell like love. Me: *heart melts* Lets go to Toys R Us."
"Throwing burgers around furniture because I have a hunch that termites only eat wood because they have not tried anything tastier."
"I caught my wife in bed with a banana last night... She was masticating."
"""God is good all the time!"" Yeah. Not you though, Russ. You sucked for 55 frigging minutes."
"I promised to stop making dirty jokes But it's hard..so hard."
"HOBBIES INCLUDE: - Whispering dark secrets to animals - Trying to get a strawberry seed out of my teeth - Being vegan, but also eating steak"
"The thing about good music is.. ...its technically sound."
"Love is not a game. If you think it is, then you're not playing it right."
"What s the weight of a hipster? One Insta-gramm"