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Joke of the Day

"When the devil buys your soul he makes you sign a contract because even though he is pure evil he has an unshakable respect for tort law."

"Girl you got the brains of a seal. Wanna get smashed at the club?"

"I have controversial opinions and I don't give a shit what anyone thinks! (Refreshes eight times to see faves and retweets)"

"How does a German tie his shoes? In little Nazis"

"Why was e^x so lonely at the party? Because every time he tried to integrate, he ended up with himself."

"I wish there was a way to musically tell someone to pour sugar on you but there isn't"

"fyi it turns out you CAN get kicked out of Jimmy John's for calling the sprouts ""vegetable sperms"" live and learn I guess"

"There were only 3 commandments until Moses' wife got involved."

"Did you hear about the midget fortune teller who escaped from prison? The headlines read ""Small Medium at Large"""

"What did Matthew McConaughey yell at the drive that was about to miss his turn? A right a right a right!"