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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the midget fortune teller who escaped from prison? The headlines read ""Small Medium at Large"""

"Anyone still keeping up with their New Year's resolutions? I am... Still 1080p"

"Me singing: Then I saw her face!! Now I'm a Beliber! Not a trace of doubt in my mind! Roommate: You DO know that's a guy...right?"

"I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex. He's a small arms dealer."

"Damn girl are you playboy magazine? Cause holy fuck you have a pile of issues"

"My daughter told me she wanted a puppy for Christmas... I told her ""you're eating turkey like everyone else""."

"Remember when there was nothing to check and no device to check it on and all you did was live your life?"

"What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire."

"Why do teenagers want to work for Intel? Core i3, i5, i7... ican't even! Edited from: >They can't even"

".@rickygervais Ricky, if you can get Twitter to verify me, you will be the first atheist allowed into heaven."