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Joke of the Day

"Pupil: In other schools pupils get a choice of computers to use. Teacher: You get a choice her too. Use the one we've got or don't use any at all."

"This lady at the Edible Arrangement store acts like no one's ever asked for a corn dog bouquet before."

"So a woman was facing a judge in court... She was on trial for beating her husband with his guitar collection. The judge then says ""First offender?"" She says ""No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!"""

"What is the difference between acne and a Catholic priest? Acne waits till you're 13 to come on your face."

"Jokes about stuttering are a big big no no"

"When ya leave Twitter it's called twittercide. What about Instagram? Instagramicide? IGicide? Instacide? Gramicide? Instadead? Instagone?"

"It must have been awesome in a world without saggy tits back before Sir Isaac Newton discovered gravity."

"The week has seven days: Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday, Friday, Saturday and preMonday."

"You haven't truly made it on Twitter until someone recognizes you in the unemployment line and asks for your autograph."

"Diet day 1 I have removed all the bad food from the house. It was delicious."