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Joke of the Day

"Why was the Energizer Bunny in court? Because it was charged with battery."

"Motorist: Why are you crying after giving me that ticket? Policeman: It was a moving violation."

"What's the difference between tulips and roses? roses hurt when your dick is between them."

"SON: Is it true trees kill more people than wild animals do? [tree hiding in broom closet tenses up] DAD: Nonsense. [tree sighs in relief]"

"Why did the irishman wear two condoms? to be sure, to be sure."

"What do troll mathematicians like to solve? Parabolems?"

"The wife convinced me into taking her to Hawaii if she lost 20 pounds. You'd be surprised how many M&M's someone can swallow in their sleep."

"Q. How do you make holy water? A. Boil the hell out of it."

"[police lineup] VICTIM: That's him! The dopey fat guy in the middle. COP: We haven't started yet. That's your own reflection in the glass."

"The inventor of the Red Solo Cup had died. His body was found under the sofa in the living room three days after his death."